Rat Burglar

 
Being a rat, I’ve come across some shady characters in my day. Thankfully I’ve steered clear of a life of grime, but unfortunately law-breaking isn’t just a human problem. We of course have our drug dealers, who push ratnip like it’s cheesecake; the ’hood rats, whose favorite (and very dangerous) game to play is Shoots and Ratters; and the snitching ratfinks, who are the most hated of all.
 
Probably the most common crime in the rodent community is theft. It traverses all classes of society, from poverty-stricken street rats to high-on-the-groundhog aristocrats. You humans may have seen animals steal each other’s food on nature shows. (Apparently they didn’t learn their “nice mice” etiquette as pups!) The thing most coveted among these rat burglars: cheese crumbs, which is the rodent form of currency.
 
Rat burglars, however, should go on high alert, because sooner or later their life of grime will ensnare them in a mousetrap, and they’ll be hearing the pawlice squeak, “Put up your paws!” And what with the ensuing clawsuits and fleadiculous rattorneys’ fees, they’ll soon find out that their stolen cheese crumbs won’t bail them out, and that grime doesn’t pay.
 
Keepin’ it squeak,

Bob

Julius Cheeser

 
Today is the Ides of March, an important day in ancient rodent history. This day marks the death of one of the most famous authoratarians of all time, Julius Cheeser.
 
Known for his conquest of the Roman Republic, establishment of the Roman Empire, and introducing Romano cheese to the masses, Cheeser initially shared Roman rule with two fellow senrators, Cratsus and Pawmpey, in the empire’s first Triumvirat.
 
But unfurtunately Cheeser was no stranger to making others mad. He wasn’t exactly burrow broken (if you catch my drift) and had many more offspring than a monogamous rat like me would bear. He also had a pawful skirmish with pirats as a pup. It didn’t end well for the scalawags, though, because Cheeser made sure that dead rats squeak no tails. Eventually he incurred the wrath of the aratstocracy when he fashioned himself Rome’s autocrat.
 
Thus Cheeser was scuttling along like nice mice until 44 B.C. today, when conspirator Brutus and some fellow Roman senrators sent Cheeser to the great burrow in the sky. (With a blade he was betrayed when Brutus cut the cheese.)
 
Now, in addition to their A-B-Cs and 1-2-fleas, rat pups have this historical figure to learn about in their ratcademics. But when school recesses in the hot days of summer they become thankful for one last culinary contribution of Cheeser’s: you see, the orange in Orange Julius is really for cheese.
 
Keepin’ it squeak,

Bob

Fun Hundred Blogs

 
Today’s blog marks a milestone for me: Bob’s Blogs hits the 100 mark. And a fun 100 it has been! Hard to believe that 100 blogs ago I thought “blog” referred to a black canine that hates cats. Now I can rival a computer mouse for my Internet savvy!
 
So in honor of the special number, this blog contains only 100 words – make that 100 “squeaks.” Rest assured that whether in poetry, prose, or pawliteration, my squeaks will always be spunky and hard to silent! A cheese toast (like the kind my mom used to make) to the next 100+!
 
Keepin’ it squeak,
Bob