Sunday, April 10, 2011

The Awesome Pawsome

    
      It was a dark and stormy night. Under the streets of Ratlanta, a horrendous plot was being devised from four of the most devastating super-villains of all time, a scheme that would bring the bustling metropolis to its knees. From an underground lair hidden deep within the leaky city sewers, The Rattler, Catwoman, Malevolent Muskrat, and Pawful Possum huddled close together in thought, hatching a plan to steal the entire city’s American cheese!
 
    “Without their American cheese, none of the humans will be able to make grilled cheese sandwiches,” The Rattler hissed.
     “They’ll have to switch to peanut butter and jelly,” Catwoman purred to her rat snake partner in crime.
     “They’ll all have peanut butter breath,” Malevolent Muskrat grinned hideously, letting out a very stinky seethe of satisfaction from between his green, rotted teeth.
     “Their tongues will stick to the roofs of their mouths!” said Pawful Possum, as he curled his scaly tail in delight.
     “And with all the American cheese in our possession,” The Rattler concluded, “every rodent in Ratlanta will be squeaking boo-hoo as we eat our fill!”
 
 
      Little did they know that in another part of the city, Punxsutawney Phil, down from Pennsylvania visiting his good friends, Ratman and Bobin, was hot on the heels of their paws of crime. (Furtunately for the citizens of Ratlanta this prominent prognosticator could predict more than just the weather.)
 
      “Holy hairballs, Ratman!” Bobin squeaked after hearing Phil’s updates on the evil cheese-stealing plans of the super-villains. “We’ll need help to handle this!”
     “You’re right, my faithful sidekick,” Ratman exclaimed; “this is a job for ‘The Awesome Pawsome’!”
 
     Without a moment’s hesitation he scurried out and lit up the Rat-Signal, a giant paw print in the sky that let the rodent heroes of Ratlanta know there was a call to action. In the shake of a whisker all had gathered at the Rat Cave, a little hole-in-the-wall dug into the heart of the municipal sewer system giving the heroes quick access to crime-fighting on the city streets above.
 
     “It won’t be hard to find out where they’re gathering everything,” said Super Sniff; “I can smell Malevolent Muskrat’s rancid breath miles and miles away!”
    “Indeed, once we know where they’re hiding, it will only be a matter of searching before we discover where the cheese is hidden,” replied The Great Mouse Detective, holding his magnifying glass close in front of his muzzle.
     “And once we’ve sniffed out those villains, as my smell-sensitive comrat pointed out, it will only be a matter of paw-wrestling them into submission!” exclaimed Mighty Mouse, flexing his muscular mousey biceps.
     “Let’s scuttle to it, then!” exclaimed Ratman. “Sniff – do your thing!”
 
 
     Within minutes Super Sniff’s stupendous snout led the rodent heroes to the super-villains’ lair, and it was only a moment later that The Great Mouse Detective found where the stores of American cheese were hidden.
 
    “Here we come to save the day!” Mighty Mouse’s squeak rang out joyously as The Awesome Pawsome scampered down on the unsuspecting evildoers. For a moment it was all scuffling:
 
     Bam!
     Whap!
     Pow!
     Scratch!
 
     And soon thereafter the super-villainous cuatro found themselves tied up with one of The Rattler’s recently shed snake skins.
 
     “Rats … foiled again!” they all exclaimed.
    “You rotten ratscals,” Ratman scolded, “you should know you’re no match for The Awesome Pawsome!”
 
    And so the citizens of Ratlanta, human and rodent alike, can be thankful that The Awesome Pawsome has come to yet another rat-tastic rescue, and we can rest assured that our squeaktacular superheroes will always be with us, fighting for truth, justice, and the American cheese!
 
Keepin’ it squeak,
Bob

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