Appaws

 
Tonight was a big night in the rodent realm: the Hammy Awards took place! That’s short for Hamster Howling Awards, created in the late 1950s to honor accomplished squeaking hamsters. Over the years more rodent species took part, and eventually the “Howling” was dropped because rodents make all kinds of noises when we squeak, not just howls. “Hammy” also came to stand for some of the fleadiculous performances that take place during the ceremony. We may all be rodents, but some of them are real hams – and it’s not just the guinea pigs.
 
Squeaking artists nationwide gathered in the sewers under Paws Angeles this evening. Everyone from Pawdonna to Black Plague Sabbath to Pawbin Thicke was there, whose squeak “Blurred Lines” was a scuttle-away hit with the vision-challenged rodent community last summer.
 
Hammy performances certainly lived up to their name, with Fleaoncé and Paw McCartney showing what rodentertainment is all about. But it was Reneé Fleaming who brought the burrow down, with a stirring – and very loud – operatic act. In fact, the humans hosting the Grammys at the Staples Center directly above us didn’t know what to make of the vibrating ground, as most California earthquakes aren’t accompanied by screeches.
 
Pawful performances aside, the artists were really there for the awards. Natalie Grant’s “Furricane” won in the Gospel category, Pink’s “Just Give Flea a Reason” took Best Scratch, and my favorite group, Pentapawnix, won the coveted award for paw cappella squeaking.
 
But far and away the biggest award went to the Kia Hamsters in their car commercial set to Dame Gaga’s tune “Appaws,” which is the latest hit in advertising. And I suppose it was fitting: after all, this is the Hamster Awards. Now as to whether Dame Gaga fulfilled the part of “Howling,” that’s up for debate.
 
Keepin’ it squeak,
Bob