As I understand it, most of you humans like to stay abreast of what’s happening in your world. Many of you read newspapers – which, by the way, make excellent nestlet fodder, so thanks. Well, we have our own way of putting the squeak-out on the latest current events, and the medium with the most widespread coverage is our own newspaper, The Rodent Weekly. Here are its latest headlines:
----------
News: Outrage ensues in disabled rodent community following cutting off of Three Blind Mice’s tails by farmer’s wife.
Violence erupted today outside the State Capivole building as angry protesters from the disabled rodent community demanded retribution from Mr. Farmer and his wife following the butchering of the tails of three visually challenged mice with her carving knife. Protestors say they will not rest until a full apology and financial restitution is awarded said mice.
Weather: Precipitation forecast shows no chance of raining cats and dogs; safe for rats to go outside.
Traffic: Nasty blockage in sewer under Fourth Street is causing 300-yard backup; take Meadow Vole Blvd. as alternate. Mike Rowe and Dirty Jobs Crew expect to have mess cleared by dinnertime.
Pawlitics: House of Ratresentatives proposes bill to require registration of all cat-dwelling homes; Flea Party Movement opposes measure citing desire to limit government regulation of rodent affairs.
Business: 700 billion cheese crumb bailout thus far unsuccessful in reversing economic downturn; rodent unemployment rates remain highest since The Great Cheesession.
Classifieds: Fry cook needed at China House; must be adept at making Cream of Sumyung Cat.
Sports: Clayton Capybaras take on Salisbury Squirrels Raturday night at Field Mouse Field. Overflow parking located in 4th Street sewer, as long as blockage has been cleared.
Health: Research uncovers high cholesterol levels in cheddar, ricotta, and provolone cheeses; docrats recommend only sparing consumption.
Science: Solar flares interfere with ratellites, causing communications difficulties; experts suggest using old-fashioned squeaks until sun activity subsides.
Food: Cheese-tasting party to be held at Mr. and Mrs. Smith’s chateau in the Highlands district – bring your appetites and make sure to stay out of sight.
Travel: Wisconsin and Switzerland this autumn’s premier travel destinations due to excellent availability of cheese.
Fashion: Beaver-skin coats considered faux pas this season.
Entertainment: Hamster Dance surpasses Gummy Bear Song as favorite in 4- to 9-year-old demographic.
TV Program Schedule: Rattatouille airs on Channel 180 Raturday night, 8:00 p.m. Encore presentation immediately following.
----------
I hope you’ve enjoyed this snapshot into the world of us rodents. By all means, however, do continue to read – and throw out – your own newspapers; they are indeed among the most comfortable materials for building our hovels.
Keepin’ it squeak,
Bob
News: Outrage ensues in disabled rodent community following cutting off of Three Blind Mice’s tails by farmer’s wife.
Violence erupted today outside the State Capivole building as angry protesters from the disabled rodent community demanded retribution from Mr. Farmer and his wife following the butchering of the tails of three visually challenged mice with her carving knife. Protestors say they will not rest until a full apology and financial restitution is awarded said mice.
Weather: Precipitation forecast shows no chance of raining cats and dogs; safe for rats to go outside.
Traffic: Nasty blockage in sewer under Fourth Street is causing 300-yard backup; take Meadow Vole Blvd. as alternate. Mike Rowe and Dirty Jobs Crew expect to have mess cleared by dinnertime.
Pawlitics: House of Ratresentatives proposes bill to require registration of all cat-dwelling homes; Flea Party Movement opposes measure citing desire to limit government regulation of rodent affairs.
Business: 700 billion cheese crumb bailout thus far unsuccessful in reversing economic downturn; rodent unemployment rates remain highest since The Great Cheesession.
Classifieds: Fry cook needed at China House; must be adept at making Cream of Sumyung Cat.
Sports: Clayton Capybaras take on Salisbury Squirrels Raturday night at Field Mouse Field. Overflow parking located in 4th Street sewer, as long as blockage has been cleared.
Health: Research uncovers high cholesterol levels in cheddar, ricotta, and provolone cheeses; docrats recommend only sparing consumption.
Science: Solar flares interfere with ratellites, causing communications difficulties; experts suggest using old-fashioned squeaks until sun activity subsides.
Food: Cheese-tasting party to be held at Mr. and Mrs. Smith’s chateau in the Highlands district – bring your appetites and make sure to stay out of sight.
Travel: Wisconsin and Switzerland this autumn’s premier travel destinations due to excellent availability of cheese.
Fashion: Beaver-skin coats considered faux pas this season.
Entertainment: Hamster Dance surpasses Gummy Bear Song as favorite in 4- to 9-year-old demographic.
TV Program Schedule: Rattatouille airs on Channel 180 Raturday night, 8:00 p.m. Encore presentation immediately following.
----------
I hope you’ve enjoyed this snapshot into the world of us rodents. By all means, however, do continue to read – and throw out – your own newspapers; they are indeed among the most comfortable materials for building our hovels.
Keepin’ it squeak,
Bob
Those sewers can be so annoying. Especially those with tree roots inside!
ReplyDelete