2011 has started off with quite a squeak here in Ratlanta, as we are currently held in the icy vice grips of Old Man Winter. A powerful snow-and-ice storm swept in upon us very quickly yesterday evening, starting in as snow and then changing over to sleet and freezing rain, leaving the ground covered with a thick slick of ice. (This weather certainly gives a nip to my little rat nose!)
As is always the case in Ratlanta when we have inclement frigid weather, the city is completely paralyzed. It’s rather sad: the weatherman merely mentions the four-letter S word – no, not that four-letter S word … wow, your mind’s really in the gutter! (squeak “hi” to some of my friends while you’re there) – or the words “flurry” or “light dusting,” and instantly the heart of every citizen is gripped with fear and terror. Outside one can hear the great wailing and gnashing of teeth, as humans everywhere make that mad dash to the grocery store to buy milk and bread – the most perishable goods on the planet (great for keeping in a snow storm, when the power goes out and your perishables perish) – and rodents follow suit, scampering quickly to rustle up whatever scraps we can find from the dumpsters and sculleries before the streets freeze over.
Those of you from more northern climates, where the fur on rats grows just a little thicker, always shake your heads and roll in fits of laughter at this unwarrantably drastic behavior … and you’re right to an extent (really, is it necessary to stock up on six jugs of milk for a family of three when the snow will melt in 12 hours?) … but the truth is, humans here in the South just don’t know how to scuttle around in this mess! And sadly, the Georgia Department of Transportation is ill equipped to take care of such measures. You’d think that with an average of at least one snow event each winter for as long as the humans have recorded the weather (and it’s been longer with us rodents: just ask master prognosticator Punxsutawney Phil) that they would learn to get more de-icing trucks on the road, but no, it just never materializes in a sufficient fashion. So the city stays paralyzed – and terrified – until the snow melts, half a day later.
We always have cause to be worried, but this time is particularly alarming: the event, consisting of deep snows (which we define as more than that light dusting I squeaked about) plus substantial icy precipitation which will not thaw for at least the next four days, really is crippling the city. Nearly all the major freeways have been shut down in one place or another, and in less than 18 hours since the first few flurries drifted down, more than 4,500 car accidents have been reported state-wide. (Lucky for me, I don’t drive … my paws won’t reach the pedals.) So my fur’s a bit ruffled, but in four days’ time the temperature is forecast to rise into the low 50s, so the end, though distant, is in sight of my beady-red rat eyes. (It just stinks, however – like one of my pal Gus’s noxious backside emissions – that the rest of the world is crippled too, as Ratlanta’s Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport, the largest and busiest on the planet, has canceled nearly all of its flights. Just goes to show you why we rats like to stow away on ships, and not in planes.)
So while the humans wait for the city to thaw (and I wait for my little rat nose to thaw as well), I will take the time to appreciate the aesthetic beauty of the crystal splendor, and hope that you, too, do the same with your surroundings, be they locked in Old Man Winter’s vice grips or not. Fortunately I made my rounds of the dumpsters and sculleries in advance of the storm, so I’ve got plenty of cheese to keep me company.
Keepin’ it squeak,
Bob
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