Guard Rat, Hiding Rat

 
Once settled into our new burrow, Unsuspecting Victim and I had opportunity to learn more about each other. She learned that I’m afraid of Animal Planet (especially that Cats 101 show), and I found out that she’s afraid of things that go bump in the night. (Not rats like me, but bad guys. After all, we were living on our own now.) Being the noble creature that I am, and because of my fondness for my new Alpha, I took it upon myself to protect her. Thus I took up my post on the dresser drawer next to her bedroom door, under the notion that anyone or anything that got into her apartment and as far back as the bedroom would see me staring them down with my beady-red eyes, freak out, and run away. I was her guard rat, and just as a piece of Brie or Gruyere does for me, my presence gave her a sense of comfort and security.
 
That is not to say, though, that I lost my sense of humor – I still love to hide. Over time, and with the help of Unsuspecting Victim’s twin sister, Sneaky, I found myself in a lot of places in our burrow: in the bed sheets (of course, my favorite … somehow I always seemed to find myself there); in a closet; between the seat cushions of the couch; behind the arm chair; defending the peas and carrots in her pantry; under the sink. (That time in the tub, though, was pretty interesting, as I was tempted to sneak down the drain and go visit my cousins in the sewer.)
 
Then one day I had an idea for the best hiding place of all: her refrigerator. (Mmm … just think of all the possibilities with such quick and ready access to my favorite delectable food.) Well, it turns out that this was a bad idea: I stayed in there undetected for three weeks. Three weeks – who’da thunk?! I mean, have you seen this girl eat? She has the metabolism of, well, a rat!!! (Thank my whiskers I didn’t choose to hide in the freezer!) Turns out she was just out of the burrow staying really busy at work and with her active social life (imagine … she didn’t bring me along to see her friends!) and had therefore eaten her meals elsewhere. She was pretty unhappy, though, without her guard rat, and I myself wasn’t happy being a rat-sicle.
 
So Sneaky and I decided it would be best to end my hiding days. When there was company at the burrow I would enjoy gracing them with my presence (the startle effect never ceased to make me smile) and at night I resumed my post as guard rat. She was comforted knowing I was there, and I was comforted by the fact that my rat nose was no longer frostbitten.
 
So I caution you again, as I did last week: be careful about what’s around the corner, because you never know what might squeak out. And also remember that not only do rats make great pets, we are fearless defenders of our territory and pack as well.
 
Keepin’ it squeak,
Bob