St. Ratrick’s Day

 
Top o’ the marnin’ to ya!
 
Er, let’s make that “top o’ the afternoon.” Me best rat mate Gus an’ I got a bit o’ a head start on our St. Ratrick’s Day celebratin’ at our favorite Irish pub, O’Flannigan’s, an’ unfortunately I took a bit o’ a dip in the Guinness jug, so me times o’ day (an’ a few other thin’s) are a wee messed up right now. (Indeed it does be soundin’ like I been nuzzlin’ the Blarney Stone.)
 
Ah, today be the day we celebrate all thin’s Irish. Me human family – whose last name be McGill (which means “mercenary” of all thin’s) – are excited that on this day the whole world acknowledges their proud heritage, an’ does so with no small amount o’ drinkin’ at the pub an’ wearin’ o’ the green.
 
Speakin’ o’ the green, there be many cities that do dye their rivers, fountains, an’ other bodies o’ water green on this very Irish day, which be good, I suppose, as “goin’ green” seems to be the thing many o’ ye humans want to do these days. Here in Ratlanta, however, the rivers, fountains, an’ other bodies o’ water (especially the sewers) be runnin’ green for a different reason – mainly me rat pal Gus. As I squeaked about September last in me blog Rattus Flatus, Gus has, let’s say, a wee problem with his, er, “backside emissions.” Yes, unfartunately the waters be runnin’ green here for that reason, for just as said emissions are still able to burst car tires an’ wither plant life, so they are, in large doses (which he can certainly supply), able to color the waters a nasty (not to mention smelly) shade o’ the blue an’ yellow combined.
 
So while ye be celebratin’ at the pub this St. Ratrick’s day, if ye be in Ratlanta I’d advise ye to stick to the Guinness, an’ at all costs avoid the greeny water. Fartunately this holiday be comin’ only once a year, so until next St. Ratty’s Day, inhale the intoxicating fumes o’ yer Guinness for a few more hours, for ye can breathe the fresh air tomorrow.
 
Keepin’ it squeak,
Bob