Squeaker Bowl

 
Last night’s Squeaker Bowl XLV turned out to be a very exciting paw-ball game indeed. Dallas, Texas’s Capybaraboys Stadium was completely voled out, with each nestlet filled by a rodent’s rump as everyone gathered to watch the Pittsburgh Porcupines take on the Green Bay Groundhogs.
 
The Porcupines were well led by pawfensive quarterback Ben Roethcheeseberger, but alas, they were no match for the Wisconsin Cheeseheads’ ratical fleafensive strategy, as Green Bay dominated throughout the gridiron match. At times players had trouble hearing the play calls due to the ear-splitting squeaks of the fans, and I must admit, even my pups don’t make that much noise! The game was also unfortunately fraught with injuries, the most severe of which was a bent whisker by the Groundhogs’ muzzleguard.
 
There was a great halftime performance by hit hip-hop group The Black Eyed Fleas, whose show thankfully made up for the mis-squeak of the National Anthem by Christina Asiago (she messed up the words to the second verse) and was certainly better than the Justin Timbertooth/Janet Jackrabbit fiasco of Squeaker Bowl XXXVIII. And as with all Squeaker Bowls, the most often squeaked-about aspect of the game happened between plays – yes, I’m of course referring to the commercials. Companies this year had to paw over 3 million cheese crumbs for a thirty-second time slot, but by far, the ad which will be most squeaked about over the water bottle in the coming days was for that of Gillette’s new whisker trimmer. (Gillette: the best a rat can get!)
 
It was an exciting game indeed, with the Groundhogs defeating the Porcupines in the fourth quarter with a final score of 31 to 25. Green Bay was awarded the coveted Vole Lombardi Trophy and Aaron Prairie Dog-gers was named the game’s MVG (Most Valuable Groundhog), and, to the delight of rodents everywhere, in the end Pennsylvania’s Terrible Towels just weren’t able to dry off the squeak-tastic Wisconsin Cheeseheads.
 
Keepin’ it squeak,
Bob