Sunday, October 28, 2012

Bob and Weave

 
I love my fur, I do. But sporting the same style since they molded it that way at the rubber-rat-making factory quite some years ago has gotten kind of old. I’ve wanted something new and exciting, so recently I decided to go and get a new fur-do.
 
I scuttled my way over to the local fur salon – it wasn’t hard to find because all I had to do was follow the stench of fur-laden perm chemicals (the curly-Q look for whiskers has recently come into fashion) – and plopped my tail into a barber’s chair. My stylist, upon hearing my dilemma, assured me I was in good paws, but my whiskers nonetheless gave a not-so-subtle twitch of apprehension.
 
She sunk her claws deep into my scalp and started shaking her forepaws, teasing my black locks skyward, and then began to intertwine some thick, curly synthetic fibers all over my head. I could feel it weighing down my ears as strand after frizzy strand was stitched onto my noggin.
 
Finally she spun me around for the reveal. My thoughts: let me just squeak that I never thought it was possible for a rodent to resemble Tina Turner, and I now crouch corrected!
 
In the future, I think I’ll stick with the factory model.
 
Keepin’ it squeak,
Bob

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Hello Gutter, Hello Fodder

 
Hello Gutter, Hello Fodder
How I got here: story’s odder
Than the presence of a rat
Who does blogs and tweets and Facebook just to chat.
 
I was wandering down the street
Looking for something to eat
When a sudden rain storm swept me
Down a manhole that was icky, slick, and slimy.
 
When I got up I was sodden
But was not to be downtrodden.
For the sight before my rat eyes
Was like winning at a fair the biggest grand prize.
 
See, my rat pals, holy geez,
They all had huge stacks of cheese!
There were all types, brie and cheddar
Gorgonzola, queso fresco – good, great, better!
 
So now Gutter, and now Fodder,
Down the street I’m prone to totter.
Gutter sweep me down the roadway
And please, fodder, I’m all stuffed so go away!
 
Keepin’ it squeak,
Bob

Saturday, October 6, 2012

It’s All Gouda

 
A while back I mentioned my battle with the bulge. I’m happy to say that my exercise regimen of weekly karate lessons and extra time running on the hamster wheel each day has helped me shed those extra pounds, so I’m back to my normal weight. (Starting on some flea medicine helped, too: you get enough of those itchy buggers together, and they can really add some mass!)
 
Along with these changes came a hanging up of the consumption of my favorite dairy product, cheese. So now that I’m more of a flat rat than a fat rat, I’m squeak-a-liciously looking forward to adding this most splendid of all foods back into my diet! I think for my first meal I’ll start out with a cheese plate. Then some cheese fondue would be nice, followed by a cheese soufflĂ©, and top it all off with a lovely cheesecake at the end. Overboard? Prepawsterous! Nope: the only thing I’ll have to worry about is constipation tomorrow!
 
Keepin’ it squeak,
Bob