Much to the chagrin of children nationwide, the time has come for them to go back to school. Alas, they must bid “pawdios” to summer vacations and parties by the poolside, and turn instead to cafeteria lunches and homework assignments. And while your pups are gearing up for a return to the hallowed halls of education, ratlings everywhere are doing the same.
Contrary to popular human belief, it’s not only fish that have dealings with school. There’s a reason rats are adaptable to almost every environment, and it isn’t just because we often travel to them by stowing away in cargo ships (though that does play a significant part). We educate our pups from a young age on many subjects, including how to sharpen one’s incisors, honing the sense of smell (we generally have poor eyesight), and, the most important, nutrition. While we do focus somewhat on maintaining a healthy diet (which leads some rats to engage in damaging farmers’ crops), we emphasize more heavily the finer arts of dumpster diving and cheese connoisseurship. Indeed, it can be squeaked that the rat whose muzzle is more acutely attuned to the finding and obtaining of superior-quality cheeses has a greater propensity to claw higher up the food chain than those whose dairy discernment is more limited.
So as kids and rat pups alike return to the institutions of learning that so greatly dominate their time in childhood (and undoubtedly groan in protest at having to go back), let’s encourage them to get scratching on that homework and learn all that their little noggins will absorb … everyone knows that those called “cheese whizzes” by the school bullies of today will be called “boss” and “yes, sir” tomorrow!
Keepin’ it squeak,